Inner Conflict
by Saar-Vashoth
Summary: An expansion upon The Demands of the Qun and the follow-up scene. I felt there wasn't enough pushback with either choice you make during this quest. I felt it was needed to have more of an argument with Bull to make it a bit more realistic. Plus bits of my own imagination on how things would've been with my Inquisitor: Bandit. [ Hints of Iron Bull x F!Adaar ]


It was a long journey back to Skyhold after the events of the Storm Coast. Honestly, Bandit had lost track of time. How many days was it? Was it a week? Two? She couldn't recall, for she had one thing on her mind- The Iron Bull. He had hardly spoken to her at all on their way back. To a certain degree- she understood. She was sure he was processing what had happened. The dreadnought went down. It burst into flame; an explosion. He chose The Chargers over his life, his people; The Qun. And she had a major role in that choice.

It replayed over and over in her head.

_Gatt kneeled and signalled the Qunari dreadnought after they tore their way through enemies. The flare went up and shot through the sky. Bull looked over to his men across the way, happy that they completed their part. Things were going well, Venatori were killed. The alliance between The Inquisition and The Qunari seemed to be solidifying as the moments passed._

_ Bandit watched in awe and curiosity as the dreadnought launched its attack on the nearby ship. It was fast, efficient. It was true- Qunari strove for perfection_. _The Iron Bull smiled proudly at The Boss' amazement before fondly speaking,_

_ "Brings back memories... Nice..!"_

_ That's when things decided to take a turn._

_ "Crap..." The Iron Bull's tone shifted to concern. Bandit's eyes shifted from the dreadnought, to follow where his gaze went. A mass of Venatori began to close in on The Chargers. Where did they come from?!_

_ "Bull, your men-!" Was all Bandit could get out as she watched. The Chargers held their ground, preparing for the fight to come._

_ "Yeah..." His eyebrows upturned as he looked to The Inquisitor, then back to his men. Gatt frowned, locking onto Bull._

_ "Your men need to hold that position, Bull." He stated, a hint of threat dripping from his voice. Bandit furrowed her brow, frowning._

_ "They do that...They're __**dead**__." Bull frowned to Gatt._

_ "And if they __**don't**__, the Venatori retake it and the dreadnought is __**dead!**__" The Viddathari countered. "You'd be throwing away an alliance between The Inquisition and the Qunari!" Bull turned away to watch the Venatori continue to close in on The Chargers below. "You'd be declaring yourself __**Tal-Vashoth**__." Gatt knew that would get a reaction out of Bull._

_ The Iron Bull was a part of the Ben-Hassrath. They were spies, and among their duties were to enforce rules; and be especially ruthless to those who transgress against it. The Tal-Vashoth; traitors to the Qun. Bull shifted his gaze to Gatt, scowling at him for even mentioning it._

_ "With all you've given The Inquisition, half the Ben-Hassrath think you've betrayed us already..!" Gatt gave a frown, losing the hint of edge in his voice to upturn his brows now. "I stood up for you, Hissrad. I told them you'd __**never**__ become Tal-Vashoth..!"_

_ Bandit watched the exchange as the larger Qunari turned to face Gatt. She had a scowl on her face- and it took all her might to bite back her words. Something about the way Gatt spoke- it felt as if it were a backhanded statement to her. Her personally._

_ "They're __**my men**__!" The Iron Bull pointed to the Viddathari, his tone oozing with pent-up anger._

_ "I know..." Gatt sighed. "But you need to do what's right, Hissrad. For this alliance," Gatt shifted his bright green eyes to Bandit for but a second. It made her feel a twinge of guilt. She shifted her gaze away but kept stern. "For the Qun."_

_ Bandit heard Hissrad- no, The Iron Bull, turn towards her. She met his gaze. He was at a loss. She could see it in his eyes. He was normally so sure, and so strong. But now..._

_ Bandit regained her assertion. "No," She reached up and picked up a horn from the ground. She looked to Gatt, baring her teeth a bit as she shook her head. She forced it into his hand firmly. "Call the retreat." She demanded, looking back to her companion._

_ "Hissrad- Inquisitor-!" Gatt stammered in disbelief. "__**Don't**__-!"_

_ "Silence!" Bandit spat at the would-be-elf before looking to Bull. "Call it." She held her voice sure. Someone needed to be certain. They couldn't let The Chargers die. No. Not after getting to know them all. The faith and trust they put into The Iron Bull. What they lacked in numbers, they made up for with morale. _

_ The Iron Bull locked his eye with Bandit's, trying to read her. She nodded to him as he turned away, gripping the horn. He brought it to his lips and sounded the retreat. Gatt shook his head, ashamed. He had to look away. _

_ The Chargers heard the retreat, and one by one, they began to fall back._

_ "There. They're falling back..." The Iron Bull stated as if he were processing what he had just done. Bandit watched, then looked to Bull, then finally her eyes landed on Gatt. He circled, running his hands through his hair. Frustrated. He threw his arms down at his side._

_ "All these years... Hissrad," He looked up to the large man. "You throw away all that you are? For what? For this?! For __**them**__?!" Gatt looked to the female Vashoth with a resenting scowl, pointing at her. He gave her a look of absolute disgust. Bandit took one step forward and returned the expression._

_ "His name isn't Hissrad. It's __**The Iron Bull**__." She growled at him. The, now, Tal-Vashoth looked to Bandit. His stomach was in knots, but at the moment having her so sure of herself, having his back... It eased him._

_ "Evidently so..." Gatt coldly spoke as he began to walk away without further word._

_ It was then the Venatori launched an attack on the Qunari battleship, now having no Chargers to mangle. It was then that Bandit learned a little more of the Qunari culture- their ships never sink. But instead, they explode._

_ The Iron Bull saved his men, but had to watch his people die._

Since then... they haven't exchanged words. It made Bandit nervous. It made her want to throw up- did she do the right thing? Upon arrival, Bandit broke away from the group. The Iron Bull went to the Tavern to drink. Varric watched, having sensed the tension as Bandit immediately went to her room. Dorian tapped his chin.

"Now, wasn't that just a delightful journey back?" The Tervinter mage said.

"Yeah, sodding great!" Varric sighed. The Commander walked up to the two.

"You're back. Where's The Inquisitor? I have-" Cullen was interrupted.

"Not now, Curly." Varric stopped him right there. "There's trouble in paradise. Flashy's probably not in the best of places to deal with that."

* * *

About a day had passed when Bandit finally left her room. She was in her casual attire, it paid some homage to her Qunari nature- but still kept her warm with how damned cold it was up in Skyhold. It was late in the day- Bandit had slept the entire day away. She blamed it on the drinking she did last night. She was wracked with trouble. All these choices she was making. She wouldn't admit it- but it was hard.

She saw Bull outside, taking in the sun. He looked to be doing... at least a little better. She approached him. She masked her stresses and concerns.

"Bull." Bandit spoke as she approached him.

"Hey, boss." He greeted her casually. The Herald let out a sigh, about to speak. But, she saw The Iron Bull's gaze move past her. She followed it. _Gatt_. She turned to face him, standing alongside the other warrior.

"Inquisitor-" The elf began. His face held little to no emotion. "It is my duty to inform you that there will be no alliance between our peoples." His eyes narrowed just a hair. The Iron Bull noticed it. "Nor will you be receiving any Ben-Hassrath reports from your _**Tal-Vashoth**_ ally." Gatt said in disgust, finally his face breaking and his brows furrowing. Bandit felt her teeth clench as she narrowed her eyes.

The Iron Bull crossed his arms- he was as cool as he would ever be. "You on orders to kill me, Gatt?"

"No." Gatt replied. "The Ben-Hassrath already lost a good man... They'd rather not lose two." Out of courtesy, Gatt bowed to signify he was done. Then left. Bandit let out a low growl she had been holding back, shaking her head.

"So much for _that_." The Iron Bull's voice betrayed him, he was bitter as he turned to face the Vashoth. Bandit scrambled for what to say next. She wasn't sure if she wanted to ask him how he was... or maybe do that later. With so many eyes, it was hard for her to loosen up to show that side of her. She cleared her throat.

Strictly business for the time being.

"So what?" She began. "The loss of the Ben-Hassrath information may hurt, but..." She paused. "Do you think we can smoke out some of your old contacts?"

The other Qunari uncrossed his arms. "They'll pull their people soon enough." He responded. "But, we might be able to identify the agents who replace them." He turned away from her to look to Cremisius, who was hurriedly approaching. "You're late." Bull ended his conversation with Bandit. She swallowed.

Maybe he wasn't doing better yet.

"Sorry Chief," Krem rolled his shoulders a bit. "Still sore from fighting off all those Vints." He turned to Bandit. "Good to see you, Inquisitor."

"Dicey fight between the Vints, yeah?" Bandit arched a brow.

"We knew you and the Chief had our backs, Your Worship." Krem stated with a shrug. Bull looked to Krem. He didn't look to the Inquisitor. He appeared to be listening, but only halfway. A rage was inside of him. While he was glad his men were around... Glad to see Krem. He couldn't help but resent the Inquisitor a bit. "Chief's even opening up a cask of Chasind Sack Mead for the Chargers tonight!" He cracked a wide, boyish grin.

"Dammit, Krem!" The Iron Bull knelt down to pick up a stray shield on the ground. "That's the kind of shit you **don't** wanna mention in front of The Inquisitor." He rolled his eye, shaking his head.

"Er- Sorry... Chief." Krem lamely stammered out an apology before The Iron Bull raised his shield. Krem mirrored him and braced himself. The Bull charged at him, and shields bashed. Krem gave a pushback as hard as he could. Of course, the Qunari held back a bit and gave off.

"Ah, forget it." He couldn't help but crack a smile. "You're doing fine."

Maybe he was alright? _"Vashedan!" _Bandit mentally cursed. _"Why can't I read him?"_ She shook her head.

"Bull," Bandit interrupted them for a brief moment. "Later, you and I. Can we talk?" She cleared her throat.

"Sure, Boss." He said before going back to practising with Krem. Bandit took this as a moment to walk away and distract herself with a bit of work- she knew The Commander had something to tell her. So, she headed to his office.

* * *

Bandit waited atop a battlement, leaning over and looking down the plunge below. Fog clouded the great hold. There was a constant chill in the air. But the view... Maker, was it amazing. She let out a long sigh, closing her eyes for a moment. Just a moment. She pretended that she was in Denerim, having a moment's peace alone. She'd open her eyes, and Asaara would be there, telling her to hurry her ass up to The Pearl for a round of drinks.

She heard footsteps. There was no way it worked, right? She opened her eyes and turned. It was just The Iron Bull.

"You wanted to talk, Boss?" He asked.

"Bull." She was a bit startled. She was so caught up in her brief fantasy, the sight of the large Qunari male instead of her childhood companion was jarring. "Yes, I did." She stood up straight, brushing stray strands of red hair from her face.

"What is it?"

"I wanted to see how you were holding up." She took a step toward him. "After... well..."

"I turned my back on the Qun under your command?" He bitterly asked. Bandit blinked a few times, she was taken aback by that.

"I..." She couldn't even find words.

"What is there to say?" He asked.

"Excuse me?" She finally stammered out, furrowing her brows. "You mind running that by me again? Because it sounds like you're placing the blame onto _me_." The Inquisitor sounded absolutely shocked.

"It's what you wanted right? You told me to sound the alarm, I did it. And now I'm..." He looked disgusted. "You." Bandit grit her teeth and walked towards him, getting up in his face. They were chest to chest at this point.

"I told you to sound the retreat, but you had a _choice._" She seethed. "And what's that supposed to mean? '_You_'?! What's wrong with _me_?"

"You know what you are. _**Tal-Vashoth**_." He growled at her. "Now I am without the Qun. I have no purpose." He sounded pained by this. Bandit, in turn, had the slightest flinch in her eyes at how he said that. _**Tal-Vashoth**_. He sounded ultimately repulsed. It hurt. "What's that? Am I supposed to deny what you want? The Inquisitor?!"

"What was stopping you? You could've left with Gatt! Called off the alliance, and gone with him!" She felt the threatening of a knot in her throat. She swallowed it down. She would not break and cry. No. "Besides that... I am no _Tal-Vashoth_. I was _**never**_ of the Qun to begin with." She poked his chest hard.

"You're right. You never were." He frowned, shaking his head and narrowing his eye. "And you never could be." He crossed his arms, putting more space between the two.

"I'd rather save those men... Those men who trust you. Blindly." She pointed down to where The Chargers were talking in the courtyard. "Than have a shaky at best alliance with the Qunari." She locked her forest green eyes with Bull's pale eye. They both stared at each other for a few moments in silence. Bandit broke the silence.

"You can't tell me you could look The Chargers and imagine if you turned your back on _them._ Bull, you've been Tal-Vashoth for a long time now. You _know_ it." Bandit held her voice steady. "And don't you _**dare**_ disrespect me again. I may be _Vashoth_\- but I am not _Basra Vashedan_. My parents were Tal-Vashoth. They made me who I am today. And they are worthy of respect. Just as you are. Or so I thought." She spat at him.

The Iron Bull sighed. Adaar may not have a way with words normally... but she was right. And made him feel guilty. He let his arms drop to his sides as he shook his head. What has his life come to?

"Shanedan, pashaara." The Iron Bull sighed. Bandit continued her hard, angry gaze at him. It wasn't right for him to have taken out his doubts on her. "You're right. I did have a choice. And I made that choice." He admitted. Bandit said nothing. She just narrowed her eyes and listened.

"Ada- Bandit. I just... That was my life. You made that choice so easily."

"You weren't making one." She stated simply. "And I wasn't going to stand there and watch good men die. We've lost many already, and more to come. They aren't going to be in that group."

Bull couldn't help but crack a small smile. The Chargers living through this. His men. They were good... They didn't deserve death.

The two were so absorbed in their argument, they failed to notice the two Viddathari disguised as Inquisition scouts sneaking up upon Bull. One rushed him, and the unsheathing of a weapon brought both of them to attention. Bull quickly spun around, and quickly punched one in the face, knocking him back. Bandit assumed position, ready to knock the imposters around. The other flung a spiked morning star swiftly, it spun and sliced into The Iron Bull's shoulder. He grunted before ripping it from himself and throwing it at the one that was scrambling to his feet after being winded and knocked back from Bull's powerhouse of a punch.

"Bull!" Bandit cried out.

"I've got it, Bandit!" He growled out, body checking the other before driving the blade deeper into the bleeding Viddathari's body, ending him.

"_Ebost issala, Tal-Vashoth..!_" The remaining one spoke with disgust and spat at The Iron Bull. He held his side in pain, reaching for the dagger behind him. With a loud growl of anger, the large now Tal-Vashoth just swooped over to the Viddathari, picked him up, and hurled him over the battlements, and down to the abyss Bandit was just admiring not that long ago.

"Yeah, yeah. My soul is dust." He grumbled. "Yours will be scattered all over the ground, so." He shrugged to himself before rolling his shoulder, turning to face The Inquisitor once more. "Urghh." He growled. "Sorry about that boss." He then began to ignore the pain and rolled his eye. "Guess I'm not even worth sending professionals for."

"Don't be sorry. You didn't know." Bandit slowly spoke. The Iron Bull shook his head, and actually managed to laugh. Again, Bandit was taken aback.

"I didn't know when, but I knew that was coming. That was sooner than expected."

"And you didn't tell me that after all was said and done that assassins might be coming here? Or... _have _been here?!" Bandit sounded angry, but it was more surprised. And concerned. Okay... maybe a little angry too.

"What? Did you suddenly go through years of Ben-Hassrath training to hide your facial expressions when I wasn't looking?" He sarcastically asked. Bandit bit the inside of her cheek and looked away.

"N-"

"Like _**that**_. If I warned you, you'd have tipped them off somehow." Bandit huffed at this. She then blinked a few times in realisation.

"Wait- Bull. Their blades- wouldn't they be-?" The Iron Bull interrupted her once more.

"Poisoned? Oh, they _were_."

"Saar-Qamek?"

"Liquid form. If I hadn't taken the antidote I'd be puking my guts up right now. As it is, it stings like shit. But, that's about it."

"Do you wanna get them back? We could kick their asses." Bandit frowned... She didn't like the idea of them having so easily have done this- even if Bull knew it was going to happen.

"No, there's no need." He shook his head. "Sending two guys with simple blades against me?" He snorted. "That's not a hit- that's a formality." He shrugged. "They're just making it clear that I'm Tal-Vashoth." He grunted in dislike, curling his lip in distaste and knitting his brows together. "_Tal-Va-**Fucking**-Shoth_." He finally exposed that he was hurt. And he was. He just lost his entire life. All his friends under the Qun, mentors, everything...

Bandit sighed. She hated that he took his anger out on her, but she got it. She may not be of the Qun- but she could at least mentally wrap her head around the fact that he just had his world flipped upside down. But she frowned at him.

"Like I said, Bull..." She took a gentle tone. Butterflies knotted in her stomach as she did this. Her eyes darted about to make sure nobody was within ears distance to eavesdrop. "You've _been_ Tal-Vashoth. It doesn't change who you are. You're still you." Her stomach flopped. She was ready to throw herself over the battlements to join their little Viddathari assassin.

"That was just a role. This is my _life_\- that I now have to live as one of... _them_." He made sure to differentiate between Bandit and what he now was. "I've killed hundreds of Tal-Vashoth in Seheron. Bandits, murderers! Bastards who've turned their back on the Qun." He grit his teeth, shaking his head. "...And now... I'm one of them."

"Qalaba-vashedan! You're a good man, Bull." Bandit assertively said, shaking her head and pointing to him. "You aren't them. You're you." She reiterated.

"Without the Qun to live by." He stubbornly stated.

Bandit gave a huff of a sigh. She was frustrated he couldn't see- or would he listen to her. "_**Hey**_!" She grew assertive and firm with him. "I didn't hesitate. And I don't lie. I wouldn't bullshit you. You're a _good _man." She crossed her arms. "If the Ben-Hassrath don't see it, that's their loss."

The Iron Bull stared at her as she spoke. There was that sense of certainty she had about herself. The reason why Cassandra, Leliana, Josephine, and Cullen turned to her to lead The Inquisition; a Vashoth Qunari of all people. It made him well up inside with a bit of happiness. And he was somewhat proud. His chest fluttered briefly. Must be the Saar-Qamek.

"Thanks, Boss..." He said with a small smile finally coming to his lips. "And... sorry about earlier. I let my anger get the better of me."

Bandit returned the smile. "Water under the bridge." She held her hand up. "But... don't think you can get away with it again." She sternly said, still smiling. The Iron Bull shook his head with a smile.

"Wouldn't count on it."

Bandit chuckled.

"Alright, I'll clean this up." He gestured to the body dying behind them. "Then I'll tell Red what happened." Bandit nodded.

"Sounds like a plan." She then moved to walk away.

"Wait- Boss." She stopped.

"What is it?"

"Whatever I miss, whatever I regret- _This_ is where I want to be." He approached her. "Whenever you need an ass kicked," He gently punched her shoulder. "The Iron Bull is with you." He said fondly, the smile reaching his eyes now.

"Wouldn't have it any other way." Bandit turned to walk away. She felt The Iron Bull's stare on her as she walked away. She grinned, turning back to him. "Get to cleaning." She teased as she began to saunter away with a bit more sway to her hips. She knew he saw, as he laughed in response.

"Panahedan, Bandit." The grey-skinned giant then turned to his mess after the view of The Inquisitor walking away disappeared down the stairs. He tossed the last body over the edge after a quick examination through pockets, as well as the weapon. The last thing they needed was anyone touching the poisoned edges of the morning star.

As Bandit walked back into the entrance of the main entryway of Skyhold, Varric spotted her smiling.

"What's this? Flashy's smiling?" He jested. Bandit cleared her throat, forcing the smile off of her face. "You and Tiny must've made up. About time- you guys made for one awkward trip."

Bandit couldn't help but snort at the dwarf's nickname for Bull. "Varric, don't make me kick your ass." Her voice was stern since others were within earshot- but Varric saw the smile pulling at her eyes.

"Wouldn't dream of it."

"Say... I never got to ask... Why do you call me, "Flashy"?" She asked. Varric laughed.

"You don't remember?" He gave a grin. "Someone drank too much the night we played Wicked Grace with the others." Bandit merely blinked, she was trying to remember. She suddenly got nervous- that wasn't a good way to start a story.

"Was it The Anchor?" She slowly asked.

"That and..." He gave a shrug. "Someone likes to take their clothes off when they've had too much mead. Or maybe it's too much Giant Qunari..." Bandit felt a flush rise to her cheeks immediately as she growled.

"Varric! Ugh-! I shouldn't have asked!"


End file.
